I do not regard myself as an artist in the normal sense, nor do I see myself as a Realist in its strict definition.
I have recently realised that I do not refer to memory directly, since most of our memories are inaccurate and become “memories of memories“. I rely on finding an ‘emotional charge’ for my paintings, and I believe that the only doorway to this experience lies in present, immediate emotions. Using them as a doorway, I can more easily find my way back to original experiences in my childhood and early life, because current emotions appear to be founded in original authentic emotions from the past. In other words, our responses to current dramas is designed and educated by ‘emotional training’ in our childhoods.
I combine memories, making composites of feeling which in turn suggest designs for potential paintings. The objects in those designs are chosen as carrying an emotional charge, making them personal and immediate to me, which changes the way in which I would paint them.
These objects and models must be carefully found and worked on, adjusted, painted, dressed, aged and prepared so that they resemble my original early memories. This is my only way to preserve authenticity.
I use mixed perspectives, combining optical perspective with Early Renaissance perspective so as to provide a foundation of “flat truth“, flat so as to abide by the inherent truth of the flat canvas.
Given my desire for mixed perspectives, I must now rely on photographs of the models and objects in the paintings, so as to combine different viewpoints on each object creating my chosen “flatness”.
I make a black and white photo montage from which I must now work meticulously, attempting to convey every surface, both visually and emotionally, because the original childhood emotions can only survive into paint via the textures and appearance seen at the time of the original emotion.
That is, I do not regard my paintings as “art“ in the normal sense, since I never start out to make art, but instead to mine feelings and experiences from my childhood, as if those early experiences were an emotional quarry.
This cannot be defined as Realism, since my mixed perspectives deviate so radically from the images found in the camera and on the human retina. At worst, it could be termed “emotional realism”.